i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
