just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
