Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
