It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
