Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
