watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had to cum in my sink.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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