Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
