Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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