You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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