Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
