New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
