i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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