So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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