remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
