This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
