cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
