Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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