Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
