i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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