Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
