you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
