Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My cat gives me a boner
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
