toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
