How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
