so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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