His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
