I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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