Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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