He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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