I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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