it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
