i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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