New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
