Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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