69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
