it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
