Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
