he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Come see our sink grown plant.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
