Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pants are for mortals
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize