I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
