This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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