yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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