____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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