Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
