I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
