my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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