Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
