Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
