I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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