apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
