Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
